Rod Stewart’s ‘Fly Me To The Moon…’ Begs The Question “If They’ll Have Him, Why Not?”

Album Review:

Rod Stewart

Fly Me To The Moon…The Great American Songbook Vol. V

J Records

The tailings pond of mediocrity that is Rod Stewart’s Great American Songbook series has overflowed once again, flooding the earth with a noxious dreck that exceeds acceptable smarm content by millions of parts per million.

Usually I wouldn’t take any notice of the CDs Rod is making to sell to boomers along with their venti frappuccinos at Starbucks, but since he turned down a Faces reunion in order to do this pallid shit, I feel a brief comparison of the two projects is in order.

If you are only familiar with Rod from his “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” disco hit on up, you may be unaware that there actually was a time when he didn’t suck. That time was the early 70s when he was the lead singer for The Faces, a band that also included Ron Wood, Ian McLagan, Ronnie Lane and Kenney Jones. As well as playing some great, loose rock n’ roll, The Faces were the first band to actually have a bartender on stage mixing them drinks, which is an indisputably brilliant idea.

The Faces reunion went ahead anyhow with Glen Matlock taking over bass duties from the late Ronnie Lane and with Mick Hucknall on lead vocals.

Here’s a short infomercial for Rod’s latest crapterpiece:

A suit from Sony named Clive Davis actually comes out at the beginning of the infomercial and directly states that this is indeed some tired, played out shit: “You really wanted to keep it fresh but you just knew that the public just has the hunger and the demand for these incredible songs.”

 

"'Fly Me To The Moon...' really is pedestrian and dull, but it's guaranteed to shift units"

 

Several times in the advertisement they try to send the message that Fly Me To The Moon…, despite all indications to the contrary, isn’t going to put you into a boredom-induced coma. Interviewed in the kind of warmly-lit scene reminiscent of a Vagisil commercial, Rod says, “It’s absolutely more danceable. We’ve done more up-tempo tracks than any of the other albums put together.”

 

"I've fallen and I can't get up": Rod warns fans not to break a hip while grooving to his up-tempo barn-burners

 

Indeed, “up-tempo” along with “youthful” are two buzzwords that keep coming up in the ad. Notice how no one in Rod’s band or audience is over 30.

 

From the look on the guy on the left's face, it's time to change the Depends

 

Although strict WCS guidelines prevent me from actually listening to a CD under review in its entirety, I feel quite confident in awarding Fly Me To The Moon…The Great American Songbook Vol. V 4.5 shit sandwiches out of a possible 5.