Getting To Know You: My Chemical Romance
My Chemical Romance: The only chemical these pussies are romancing is Midol
As I rarely listen to any music made by whiney crybabies, I am pleased to say that I am completely unfamiliar with the band My Chemical Romance. Though ignorance may not be bliss exactly, it certainly beats the alternative, which is listening to My Chemical Romance’s sophomoric crapterpieces. But in a magnanimous attempt to meet knowledge half-way, I’ve decided to add a new feature called “Getting To Know You” to the site. “Getting To Know You” will involve my doing some half-assed research on a band I have no intention of ever listening to in order to learn enough about them to ridicule them.
According to Wikipedia, My Chemical Romance is an emo band from New Jersey that formed about one week after the 9/11 attacks. The attacks apparently influenced ass-wiggler/vocalist Gerard Way so profoundly that he decided to start a band. So beyond masterminding the largest terrorist attack on US soil, Osama Bin Laden added insult to injury by being the impetus for My Chemical Romance.
"Osammy, you got some 'splainin' to do!"
As the term “emo” has now apparently become pejorative, My Chemical Romance has tried to distance themselves from a genre characterized by bellyaching crybabies in mascara who won’t take out the garbage when their mom asks them to. In a fit of pique, Way said:
“I think emo is fucking garbage, it’s bullshit. I think there’s bands that unfortunately [we] get lumped in with that are considered emo and by default that starts to make us emo.” and, “I think emo’s a pile of shit.”
Notice how Way says “…that starts to make us emo”, a tacit admission that My Chemical Romance are, by his very reasoning, “…a pile of shit.” You don’t need to be Matlock to make this case.
In an attempt to avoid the dreaded “e”-word, the band has dubbed their music “violent, dangerous, pop”. That’s like referring to the work of the guy that directed Daddy Day Care as “transcendent, visionary auteurism”. Indeed, My Chemical Romance suck so bad that Marilyn Manson said, ”I’m embarrassed to be me because these people are doing a really sad, pitiful, shallow version of what I’ve done”.
Clearly, Manson is not a man who embarrasses easily.
Tony "Player Hater" Powell